The Quest for a Unicorn

So it seems like when I am determined to put myself on "guy-atus" the universe just refuses to let me be...

Let me start at the beginning...so this guy messages me on facebook (I KNOW, trust me)...and for once it wasn't from a fob in malaysia or india...actually it was from a cute guy, a really cute guy. Bad news from the start. One thing i've learned about guys in my 25 years...beware of the cute guy. I have a theory about good looking indian guys. In general there are just more attractive indian girls than attractive indian guys, so as a result good looking indian guys feel they can be douchebags and dick over as many girls as they want because at the end of the day there will be a good looking girl there waiting for him. That being said...generally I've got great douche radar...but recently one slipped through the cracks. My problem is he hasn't actually done anything to me to make him think he is a jerk...in fact in our messaging he has been really endearing and funny. So there's the problem, do i go off of what i was unwilling informed about this guy (b/c of course in the brown world someone knows someone who knows he's a jerk)...or do make my own judgments.

My mom always told me never to judge someone based of anything but my own personal experiences with them. But heres the thing...ive experienced guys like this before...i've dated a guy like this. I think that whole experience affected me more than i really like to admit. Who likes to admit that they were broken...that they literally felt unworthy of anyone because of someone who in the end wasn't worthy of them. And the kicker is that when it's someone else in the situation you can so clearly see how wrong it is...but when it's you...the blinders come on. He is the reason i instinctively am suspicious of guys' and their intentions...i can't just trust someone and take them at face value because doing that got me so hurt. And so, as a result, and understandably so, guys realize how much work it's going to be break me down and i guess deduce it's just not worth the effort. So, the point is, since that, I have been EVER so cautious and careful NOT to get into a situation like that again. It's been so long but sometimes when I start talking to a new guy and i notice something that reminds me of that guy I go into lock down and that's the end of that. I realize it's a vicious circle...i cant find anyone willing to "break me down" so to speak because i dont let them get close enough to even try...but i don't know how not to be extra cautious.

So now back to this new super cute guy...i'm not lying he's really cute...first thing i look for is if we can have an actual conversation...feed off of each other a little flirting a little banter...because here's my thing i think you need someone that keeps you on your toes. What i mean is the hey how are you how was your day constant talk is boring...i need some spice. SO we had this...right away we were being witty and going back and forth with it...already i'm impressed because usually what turns me off about a guy is that we just can't hold a conversation or i'm just not excited to talk to him. For the first time in a while (actually this summer there was a guy my bff tried to introduce me too who i thoroughly enjoyed talking to...too bad he met me and decided never to talk to me again) i was actually enjoying talking to a guy...maybe even looking forward to talking to him! and the whole time im thinking don't get too excited things have a way of just fizzeling out...but saying that and doing that...so hard...so of course i let myself get a little excited. So then he goes and says "hey we're both going to be in the city saturday maybe we can bump into each other"...so i'm thinking omg he wants to meet me. EHHH WRONG...he wants to meet your pants and get in them bc FYI...he's a womanizer. And now after hearing that news...im going back and realizing...well actually he was always asking me about me but wasn't very forthcoming with information about himself...and maybe the fact that he was willing to meet me while already out instead of asking me out says it all. I mean if he was really interestd in something wouldnt he grow a pair and be a gentlemen and ask me out. It's so funny how different information can change our beliefs instantaneously...and color our previous experiences completely differently. So, well there it is...and let's be real as much as we all want to be the girl that changes the guy...that RARELY if ever happens. All i have to say is how does the universe expect me to say positive and optimistic when it is CONSTANTLY proving my guy theories right!

And this brings me to an entirely different tangential point...this is the problem with the new age internet way of meeting people. There's just now way of really know what a person is about. I bet if i'd met this guy in person my douche radar would have totally gone off...but over the internet you can be sweet and witty and hide the douche. but it's like well i'm not meeting anyone of substance when i go out and meeting someone on the internet is weird...WTF is left??? I almost wish for the simplicity of our parents times where people didnt have these alternate shady lives what you saw was what you got for the most part. I don't know i'm probably looking at it with rose colored glasses...im sure it had it's problems...my point is guys STOP BEING JERKS...just stop.

I realize this post makes me sound like a bitter old hag...and don't think the weight of the fact that it's friday night and i'm home sitting on my ass is lost on me hahahh...but i guess i had to vent. As for this boy...well i guess we'll see what happens. I think i'm kind of hoping he just doesn't show up. and if he does...well i dunno i guess we'll just have to wait and see.